What follows is my appeal letter to them. I opened an Amazon seller account on Thursday night. by Friday afternoon, I received an email stating that my ‘seller practices’ were ‘under review’ and that my funds would be held for up to 30 days. Now, not even 24 hours had elapsed since I OPENED the account. I listed 10 things. Nothing had sold. No emails, nothing. I have been a PRIME member for years. I freaking LOVE Amazon. but, this, REALLY pissed me off. I ended up spending about 45 minutes on the phone with a very calm, nice young lady from North Dakota who works for Amazon ( Angelita). After she listened to me rant, and I made sure she understood, I know was not personally ‘to blame’, she explained that there is some arbitrary ‘seller velocity’ I had exceeded. She could not tell me what that number or dollar amount were. But at least, in some small way it made sense. I think, the person who is in charge of approving this outbound email should lose their job. If Amazon were like Craigslist, and I got to sell free using the large presence on the web, then, I pretty much have to suck it up and take what I get. But when I am being charged a seller fee, that makes me a CUSTOMER as well as implying that we are in effect business partners. You don’t do this to partners, unless you want them to NOT be your partner any longer. it is pretty damned simple. How do I end up under review having not sold a damn thing? How can they take my money immediately (one click! Account set up is easy!) and take 30 damn days to review? Why? because them holding my funds times thousands of others equals theft. They collect my interest by holding my funds..It is essentially the Superman 3/Office Space hack in reverse. All my pennies, pooled with all the other pennies, then 30 days of time in an Amazon mutual fund, and hey, profit!. Theft is what I call it. One of these days, I am going to attend a TED conference. And when I do, I am going to find Bezos (who is a HERO) and make him listen to this. If he won’t, i am least gonna dump my coffee on his crotch so it looks like he pissed himself :). My appeal is prolly not gonna get me anywhere, cuz, I ain’t really appealing as much as I am telling the this sucks, they mishandled it, and I view it as a unethical practice. If they kill my account, who cares. If not, maybe one of the hive mind brains will learn something- you don’t screw your customers OR partners.
This review is ridiculous. I spent 45 minutes on the phone with support yesterday. I JUST opened the account, and I get an email saying my account is under review for ‘seller practices’. Whoever is responsible for the wording in this email, should be fired. Walked out of the building. After talking to your customer rep, she explained the ‘velocity’ metric (which should have been in the email) and the dollar limit that is assigned (which should have been in the email). Why don’t you instead look at my BUYING history from you. Thousands of dollars, few returns, PRIME account holder. The entire thing did nothing other than piss me off. I had not even had time to process, package or ship the orders I received! After receiving your ‘review’, I put the brakes on processing my outbound orders until I got to the bottom of it. This does not even get into the ‘timeframe’ of your review. You put me under review after having an account for less than 24 hours. Then you tell me that it takes you 30 days to “REVIEW” my account AND you will hold MY FUNDS for 30 days? The only thing I was thinking was this WHAT THE FUCK? And yes, an expletive is warranted here. Amazon bumbled this so badly, that it has me rethinking my prime membership, buying here, my kindle purchases, everything. That is how badly people get pissed off when you tell them after 24 hours that you are going KEEP THEIR MONEY for 30 while they REVIEW my account, which at the time HAD NOT EVEN SOLD ANYTHING!. If you can setup my account in 15 minutes, have a ‘one click buy’ button, you sure as shit better be able to ‘review’ an account just as quickly, and when you DO review an account, you sure as shit better give a better explanation in the blind, unexpected email a seller receives. I am leveraging your internet footprint to sell my items,but, Amazon is not doing it out of the ‘goodness of their heart’, Amazon is charging for this service, so we are PARTNERS. This PARTNER is pissed off because you did this, the WAY you did it, and the general lack of regard for my position in this. All this said, I LOVE Amazon. I am a goddamned Amazon cheerleader most times. But this situation stuck a pin in it. How you proceed will let me decide whether I buy even a pencil from Amazon or continue on.